Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Control freak.

I'm still laughing at myself in regards to post from yesterday. One of my more irritating qualities is that I have never, for a moment in me life, been able to relax and let anything just be. I'm not kidding - my first grade parent-teacher conference centered around how I needed to stop bossing the other kids around at recess (my dad countered that I was building good management skills).

Sir laughs at me, the perfect picture of chill. His laid-back way is incomprehensible to me, brilliance and creativity seeping from his pores as easily as breathing. I seethe with jealousy at how perfectly he embodies it (you know, like a loving, awe-struck jealousy).

Maybe if I try really hard and focus on achieving a specific peaceful end state, I too, can relax. Maybe there are relaxation techniques I could perfect and incorporate into my day-to-day. Maybe I can study relaxation in different cultures, find a way to take it in somewhere else, as the Western world is surely influencing me negatively.

I've just listed out the ways I plan on "achieving" relaxation. The very verb is wrong.

Relaxation aside, I need to give myself some more credit. If I hadn't been so stuck on being in control of My Writing, maybe I could have seen the words pouring from me. I may not have novels flowing from my fingertips, but I am a writer and I have definitely been writing. That was my 100th post. Measly compared to some, I suppose, but it's not a competition.

I need, of course, to repeat this to myself, a little mantra for me to try to own: it's not a competition. It's not a competition. It's not a competition.

I'm not buying it.

6 comments:

  1. Studying 129 gamblers, they found that mindfulness issues unrelated to playing have been positively linked with drawback playing, depression, and dark move whereas playing. Specifically for individuals reporting vital signs of depression in every day life, dark move produced elevated optimistic result on} whereas half in}, thus explaining the seduction of slot machines as a means of escape. Accordingly, playing issues have been predicted by the combined effect of depression and dark move. Relaxation gamblers have been the most educated and well-to-do, and performed slot machines for the socialization and fun. However, in addition they like to remain within their denomination - often 25-cent machines or $1 machines, and infrequently a glance at|have a look 007카지노 at} slot play as a way to relieve day-to-day stress. Billions of dollars of criminal proceeds are being laundered by way of slot machines in pubs and clubs in Australia’s largest state, based on an official inquiry that really helpful tighter controls on the gaming industry.

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts?